I hit rock bottom after experiencing a traumatic death in my family and struggled with, what I know now to have been post-traumatic stress disorder.  Still, it didn’t make sense to me why I was struggling as much as I was, given that I considered my childhood to be a positive experience. Since I had no clue if my emotions and experiences were valid and had no emotional support, I felt like something was wrong with me, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

I understand the importance of mental health, which is why I see my therapist every week, but at one point, I struggled to find one that felt like the right fit. I could sense the fatigue and burnout in my therapists. We never seemed to uncover the why of my symptoms. Sessions were focused on getting rid of these symptoms using stereotypical solutions. Anxious? Do some deep breathing. Depressed? Go for a walk outside. Struggling in relationships? Allow yourself to be vulnerable (Hah! Because that’s how it works). 

Although I did want relief, and badly, I wanted to get to the root of my issues so I wasn’t constantly trying to rid myself of unwanted thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I wanted something deeper and more permanent. 

Early in my adulthood, I found the therapist I had been looking for all along. This therapeutic experience felt so different from all the others. I felt safe deeply exploring my past in a way I had never done before. I experienced an indescribable feeling of clarity and peace for the first time in my life. It all made sense to me – my struggles, my maladaptive coping mechanisms. I felt heard and understood, even though my therapist couldn’t personally relate to what I was going through. 

There was no mention of deep breathing or taking walks, yet I found the most relief throughout our work together. I didn’t understand how this was working, but I was just happy that it was working. You can imagine my devastation when my graduate school obligations interfered with my appointments and I had to find a different therapist that could accommodate my schedule.

Not long after completing my graduate program, I was asked to participate in the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services Children’s Trauma Initiative, in which I was trained and nationally certified in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). TF-CBT is an evidence-based treatment for children and adolescents impacted by trauma and their caregivers. As I began using this modality, how I viewed the struggles of my adult clients changed drastically. 

I was amazed at how often presenting problems in adults could be attributed to distressing experiences during childhood. I wanted to do more for my adult clients so I sought training and certification in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy.

Years later, I joined a group practice that, unbeknownst to me, was well-versed in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. As I began learning about this modality, I realized that this was the therapy that was life-changing for me many years prior. I knew I had to get trained in it to help women feel validated and empowered to heal from painful experiences as I had done. I completed my IFS Level 1 training in April 2022 and am a practicing IFS therapist. Talk about full circle!