Perfectionism Therapy for Women

Do you strive to be perfect?

You work diligently to reach goals and you’ll accept nothing less than one hundred percent. You’re plagued by all-or-nothing thinking and “almost perfect” is seen as a failure. You’re not able to enjoy the process of growing and striving because you are so focused on hitting a goal and avoiding failure.

You have high standards for yourself, even though others may not hold you to those same standards. You’re extremely hard on yourself and feel there is no other way. If you don’t reach a goal, you beat yourself up and struggle to move on.

Because you’ll be disappointed by anything less than perfection, starting or trying something new is difficult. Failure becomes a scary prospect. You might procrastinate because you’re paralyzed by the possibility of doing something imperfectly.

You might be quick to find fault in your work or the work of others. It slips your mind or you purposely ignore your successes because they do not feel worthy of celebration. Accepting compliments is uncomfortable, and you don’t know how to respond to them.

Maybe you respond defensively to constructive criticism. You fear judgment or disapproval of others. You might be lonely or isolated.

Striving for perfection is exhausting and damaging to our self-esteem and self-worth. It’s an endless pursuit of the impossible. It’s hard to enjoy things when you feel the need to be perfect.

Woman running through a field at sunset

You can break free from perfectionism.

Imagine being able to relax and be present with friends and family. You feel excited about working toward a goal instead of feeling intense pressure. You truly understand that your worth has nothing to do with how well you perform.

You treat yourself with kindness and patience. Fear of failure does not cross your mind, and you’re finally able to enjoy life without the demands of perfection.

Perfection is an endless and impossible quest. You don’t have to chase the illusion of perfection any longer. Help is available, and it’s possible to break this cycle.

Therapy can help perfectionists finally experience freedom

Perfectionism isn’t always someone imposing unrealistic standards onto themselves. It could be someone imposing unrealistic standards onto others. Another form of perfectionism is the perception of unrealistic expectations of perfection from others.

Striving for perfection may result in some of the following negative outcomes:

  • Procrastination

  • Avoiding challenges

  • All-or-nothing thinking

  • Comparison

  • Lack of creativity

Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as a fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences. There is likely a social component, too, because perfectionism is often seen, in our culture, as a positive trait that increases your chances of success.

But what’s the difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection? Those who strive for excellence are achievement-oriented; they desire growth, enjoy being challenged, and problem-solve well. Those who demand perfection are failure-oriented and fear the consequences of what they feel is a failure.

Often, these are indicators of perfectionism:

  • Setting unrealistically high expectations for yourself and/or others

  • Quickly finding fault in one’s own work or the work of others

  • Overly critical of mistakes

  • Tendency to procrastinate on projects

  • Struggling to accept compliments

  • Forgetting or having no desire to celebrate one’s successes

  • Looking to specific people in their life for approval and/or validation

  • Refusing to perform a task unless they know they can do it perfectly

  • Not seeing a task as “finished” until the result is perfect according to their standards

  • Taking an excessive amount of time to complete a task that does not typically take others as long to complete

Some examples of perfectionism include:

  • Believing that earning a 98% on a test is a sign of failure

  • Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email

  • Avoiding trying a new activity with friends out of fear of appearing less than perfect

  • Keeping an immaculate house

  • Abandoning an exercise routine if one day is skipped

Since perfection is an impossible quest, it is frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and even suicidal impulses.

The terms “perfectionist” and “OCD” are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. Perfectionism is classified as a personality trait characterized by high expectations and standards, while obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a condition where a person experiences intrusive thoughts and/or repetitive behaviors they are unable to control. Perfectionism may or may not be a symptom of OCD.

Therapy can help to undercover the root of your perfectionism so you can heal the parts of you that drive this behavior.

We use evidence-based modalities that allow you to “connect the dots,” gain a deeper understanding of your internal and external experiences, and get to the “root” of your issues so you can heal and feel long-term relief instead of having to use coping skills for long-term maintenance.

One type of therapy we specialize in is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS recognizes that our mind is naturally multiple, often referred to as the different “parts” of us.  Many of us already use this language in everyday life, for example, “A part of me wants to find a new job because I’m unhappy in my current role, but another part of me is scared to leave and try something new.”

Internal Family Systems teaches us that our parts take on distinct roles to protect us, navigate life, and survive. It might be hard for you to believe right now, but the part of you that is anxious is trying to help you in some way. All parts have good intentions.

Throughout our work together, we will hold curiosity about the different parts of you and their roles.  We will help heal by guiding you to access and love your protective and wounded inner parts by changing the dynamics that create discord among parts and the Self.  

As a bonus, you will be more accepting of, and less reactive to, others who used to bother you; you can relate to them with compassion because you’re able to do that with parts of you that resemble them.

We also specialize in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy, which relieves distress, reformulates negative beliefs, and reduces physiological arousal.

Stress responses are part of our natural fight, flight, or freeze instincts. When distress from a disturbing event remains, the upsetting images, thoughts, and emotions may create an overwhelming feeling of being back in that moment, or of being “frozen in time.”

EMDR therapy helps the brain process these memories, and allows normal healing to resume. The experience is still remembered, but the fight, flight, or freeze response from the original event is resolved.

Questions or concerns about therapy for perfectionism?

  • We can appreciate this concern. We’ve observed the opposite happen! Our clients have become more successful and happier after working on their perfectionist part because they can reach goals, meet deadlines, and try new things without the intense pressure of perfection. We’ve seen clients blossom once they’ve unburdened from the extreme belief in perfection.

  • It makes so much sense that a part of you wouldn’t want this to change; it’s probably helped you with such important goals throughout your life.

    We view behaviors as ways to protect us, navigate life, and survive.

    We will explore the part of you that does not want to change and learn more about your concerns. In doing so, we often come to understand the positive intention of this behavior and can appreciate it in a way that lessens concerns about change.

  • Yes! More often than not, our clients can’t identify the “source” of their struggle…and that’s okay! There are so many factors that can impact perfectionism.

    We use evidence-based modalities that allow you to “connect the dots,” gain a deeper understanding of your internal and external experiences, and get to the “root” of your issues so you can heal and find long-term relief instead of having to use coping skills for long-term maintenance.

you can break free from perfectionism!

We’re here to help.

The best way to schedule your complimentary 15-minute phone consultation is to fill out the contact form below. This will allow us to send you a few different available dates so that you can check your schedule and choose a time that’s best for you.

During your consultation, we will get to know more about what you’re looking for and better understand if we can help you. We can also answer any questions you might have or you can visit our FAQ page.  If you and your therapist agree you are a good fit for one another, we will offer to schedule your intake.